Turning my back to the past?
As I'm typing this in the wee early hours 0f 31st December 2008, I reminicise the past year.
What a roller coaster ride it was. Mostly downwards. So it was indeed frightening and brings many tears of joy and pain.
The first half of the year marked my final semester before
I finally graduated from University. During this time, not only had I to go through my second round of dreaded work attachment, I spent over 3 days spread over a week going for a
editorial photoshoot that ended up with my beloved dog,
the late Foxxxy Cleopatra , being part of some of the photos. Not only was some of the photos my most beautiful but memorable as well both for the locations and the people I met.
My dog in it, part of, was an unexpected and magical moment in time because so fast was cancer to have taken her life merely 3 months later. This, another major milestone in my life. Makes me regret the things I should have or should never have done. Makes me respect life and how fragile it is and how every moment is precious and we should treasure it and the things we do with it.
Then , of course, around this time, middle of the year as well,
I finally graduated after 4 long amazing years at University. A life time of studying and it finally cumulated to this day in July. The hat and gown was worn and smiles with friends taken. It seems like yesterday that I took my first step into campus life. Wow.
Moving on,
on a full scholarship, my job was waiting for me. My first full time job. A shocker. Like being thrown into the deep end of a pool, you learn and struggle with the rites of passage.
Learning to adapt. Learning to survive. Learning the politics and friendships alike. The long unforgiving hours. No rests. No free time. Just relentless work.
Then came my relationship. As of this post, its been 5 months. Beautiful and intense. Emotionally draining. Painful to the point where blame no longer matters.
You only think of the sweet romantic moments. And that's what you'll want to remember.
But it is neither over nor on-going thereby explaining the deep seated emotional pain I'm in.
Then mere days ago, I met another. A potentially deeper love. But anyone will know that a deep love means deeper pain.
All means I am either saved, in deeper emotional turmoil which I am or both. Screwed and messed up.
Ironic too, because so many of my couzies got hitched this year. So too was a string of friends' wedding receptions I attended. And my own relationship is in total chaos.
And not to mention,
me almost getting arrested at the local airport because I brought in , let's just say, an ornamental weaponry, and its illegal.
Such brushes with the law. Such drama.
Ministry Of Sound (MOS) Singapore , closed its doors. The club I've spent many nights for the past 3 years with friends has finally shut its doors once and for all. Closing with it, a significant chapter of my clubbing life.
Now, as the hols are almost over and the new year hours away from now, I'm left with more pain and memories of the milesstones in my life, graduation, working adult, lost of loved one, love-lost, love-gain, love pain. With doubts for the year ahead.
Pain behind and brought forward.
Yes, I've met some of my dearest friends who've been there beside me in my deepest hours of need. And I thank the lord for their gift of kindness and ear. Then, one of my closest is literally at strangle point trying to wrench me out of this ditch and I thank her.
I want happiness. And she's right.
It's me who determines my happiness and future. Yes, to everybody and anybody, tracking my journey this past year, thank you for sharing it even if I'm the private type.
Thank you and Happy New year and may happiness be with you and ME.
Q .... God bless us all.
PS: I'm using the tags as a means to pointer-indicate some significant events that have made this year a total hell.
