I don't want to be ....A Murderer?

It lingers.

The wiff. The aroma. The pheromones. Intoxicating.

I'm hooked.

Oh Rihanna, what did you sing ?!

Q ... faithless? Or has my heart ReOpened?

Is it My Fault? Do things happen for a reason?

Time to Get my SEXY Back

Heart Ache: The cruelty of being taken for Granted

When the lust and honeymoon period is over and you get to see the person deteriorating right before your eyes, it hurts.

Let's call this person I 've foolishly gave my heart, body and soul to, 'A'.

I'm still blindly in love btw. Just really disgruntled and disillusioned. Pain and more pain.

Lemme tell you my sad story:

1) It started when they 'A' became highly unreliable when it comes to keeping promises and staying true to their words and said-appointments.

'A' could promise to meet and cancel the appointment minutes before meeting up. Doing this over and over again , over multiple dates.

Makes you feel betrayed and like a fool. Your time , energy and effort in pushing everything else aside doesnt seem to matter .

2) Then you realise that 'A' takes conversations lightly. 'A' doesn't remember the things discussed. 'A' doesnt care the issues talked about; even the pivotal ones regarding the relationship; like how I feel or what needs to improve to make the relationship postive.

I'm always left wondering 'Didn't we have this conversation before? You talk about it like its new and surprising. You don't care or remember do you? '

3) Broken promises of 'I will call' and 'I will inform you'. Taking it lightly once again. And caring little of your schedule and waiting.

4) Lying or trying to escape a situation when confronted. What da hell is wrong in being honest? There's no deep dark secret is there?

5)Not messaging/ calling/replying me for hours and even days/weeks on end. MSN messaging is FREE. SMS is cheap and takes mere seconds to send. Calls can be a short 5 mins even just before bed time. None. Simply cannot be bothered. 'Tired' and 'busy' are but lame excuses over a lack of effort and commitment.

6) Ego and Issues. Cannot take critisms. Cannot take judgements even when all are positive and contructive. Well, YOU STARTED IT ; being the total a**. So how can I not say? Especially when I've made it clear that non of the critisms is directed at the person but at the attitude towards bending the relationship.

7) Generally being Un-Nice. Unromantic. Abrasive. Flighty. Detachment and Escapism.

8) Worst of all : Insensitive. Already the total jerk-off and still making comments like 'You should take an STD test' out of the blue or when I I bought 'A' a Xmas gift, 'A' actually said 'Is this gift new? (As in is it a recycled gift?) .

W T F .

Love is indeed blind for ... I'll say it again : I'm still blindly in love btw. Just really disgruntled and disillusioned. Pain and more pain.


*** It seems 'A' just wants the perks of a relationship. Taking and not giving.

Baby,

Love is like a bed of roses. There're the torns too when you roll over after making Love.

Q...

Why can't there be commitment to happiness?

ISSUES. Reclaiming my Dignity , I try.

One Night Stand. Alone.

It's exactly 7pm here in Kuala Lumpur.

First Class seats on my jouney here was expensive but worth it.

As I'm typing this in the executive lounge of my hotel suite, with the world famous Petronas Twin Towers behind him (as in LITERALLY BEHIND me; the view is magnificent.) , with a VIP-only Rave Party to head to tonight, I should be enjoying my self.

I should be leaving the problems where home is.

But , still, I'm left here staring at the beautiful scenery outside my window, wondering where my Baby is.

Is my Baby even thinking of me?

What's my baby doing back in Jakarta?

Cruel , my baby is.

I'm sad. I'm devastated. I'm lonely.

Waiting for an elusive message. Waiting for the elusive call.

I'm sad. I really am.

Q ... I pray for peace. Not numbness. I pray for my baby coming back to me.

I must be Mightier.

LOVE: Stronger Apart Stronger Together

Am terribly distraught.

The pains of being in Love.

The pain of avoidance from the one you love most. :(


Lo and Behold!

A close friend had come to my rescue.

With words of wisdom and peace.

Read on and be touched...
***
Joyce says:

to move someone mighty

Joyce says:
u need to be mightier

Joyce says:
and might

Joyce says:
is not displayed through force

Joyce says:
but can only be tamed and shown

Joyce says:
through courage, n true strength

Joyce says:
that will radiate its own light

Joyce says:
so gently but surely

Joyce says:
make her come to see how wonderful u are

Joyce says:
there is no need to act desperate

Joyce says:
just like when u choose your wife

Joyce says:
u wil never want to be with a woman

Joyce says:
that needs u

Joyce says:
is desperate for u

Joyce says:
u would want want that respects u

Joyce says:
gives u time and space

Joyce says:
and yet

Joyce says:
love u in her own way

Joyce says:
like u hire a computer technician

Joyce says:
u dun want a newbie who's still learning

Joyce says:
u want a professional that

Joyce says:
u dun have to teach

Joyce says:
so, take this time apart

Joyce says:
to polish yourself

Joyce says:
grow in your character

Joyce says:
and person

Joyce says:
and she will know what she has missed out on

Joyce says:
and if its really love

Joyce says:
it will come back to u

Joyce says:
and u will understand this after u read what i've sent to u

Joyce says:
love yourself first

Joyce says:
and to touch a girl's heart

Joyce says:
its never through look

Joyce says:
its through sincerity

Joyce says:
and most importantly

Joyce says:
through her heart

Joyce says:
make her understand what love is about

Joyce says:
send her this if it touches yours

Joyce says:
n explain to her what u have learnt

Joyce says:
and if she chooses to ignore u

Joyce says:
don't beat yourself up on it

Joyce says:
cuz everything that happens has a reason

Joyce says:
and u will have another season

Joyce says:
another love yet again

Joyce says:
and this time u will be better for the person

Joyce says:
take this experience and cherish it

Joyce says:
savour the moments if u must

Joyce says:
make this your eternal memory

Joyce says:
of only goodness

Joyce says:
and see how u can move to greater stuff in your life

Joyce says:
don't let this set u back

Joyce says:
remember

Joyce says:
law of attraction

Joyce says:
the good attracts the good

Joyce says:
light attracts light

Joyce says:
no darkness would want to come near light

Joyce says:
for they will be exposed

Joyce says:
so learn to shine, n there will be more than

Joyce says:
plenty of wonderful people around u

Joyce says:
u are a very wonderful person

Joyce says:
so i just take sometime to share some of my life's perspective with u

Joyce says:
and i hope u can be better because of what u have gone thru

Joyce says:
i speak only from my heart and my life

Joyce says:
appreciate the moments

Joyce says:
for it is truely what u have

Joyce says:
but let it not define your greatness ok?

Joyce says:
for u are made for more wonderful things

Joyce says:
=)

Joyce says:
so as long as i see u learn to grow and be happy again

Joyce says:
life's not only about partying u know

Joyce says:
hehe

Joyce says:
but there is always a time to party

Joyce says:
a paradox but true

Joyce says:
like we always plan for the future

Joyce says:
but the future is now

Joyce says:
this moment

Joyce says:
its how we choose to see things and let it take us from here

Joyce says:
to whatever we so desire

Joyce says:
the amazing thing is that if we know what we want and set our minds on it

Joyce says:
there is absolutely nothing that can ever stop us to achieving it

Joyce says:
the universe will even help us along to acheiveing it

Joyce says:
its only we who are barriers to ourselves

Joyce says:
cuz we aren't sure of what we want

Joyce says:
when things happen n u see it as a failure it never is just that

Joyce says:
its just a feedback

Joyce says:
change the method

Joyce says:
and see if u will succeed

***

Q .... eternally grateful . Thank you!

And I pray for the bliss of such a beautiful person who's been true a lot and given so much more.